Using Steroids Can Be Dangerous

“I am 29 years old and it has been almost exactly 2 years since my ‘life’ story won for the month of august in 2001. I guess your wondering what I possibly have to say that I have not already. Well brace yourselves.

As I stated previously I am a Firefighter. Shorty after writing I was doing an internal attack on a structural fire when the building collapsed. All I remember was everything going black and then waking up 4days later in the hospital with a fractured L-6, fractured radial ulna, and a fractured femur. and several broken ribs. Apparently when the structure collapsed I fell all the way into the basement where my company found me thanks to the siren that goes off when you dont have any air in your tank.

When my company found me I was pulseless and apniec.Thanks to the dedication and dilegence of my brothers they were able to revive me. Your probably asking yourself ‘what does this have to do with steroids.’ Be patient I am getting to that. After my unfortunate accident I was told that was the end of my career. That I would never be the same again. I would be able to walk only due to the fact that my back was muscular enough to withstand the weight that fractured it. But that I could never play sports, ride rides at the amusement park, lift over 25 lbs, and most important to us gym junkies the Doc said ‘NO MORE WEIGHT LIFTING’.

Needless to say the end of a career that my heart and soul belonged to. That was unacceptable to me. I had overcome some of the worst possible situations. While in the Marines I was Deployed to Saudi Arabia, Bosnia and Somalia. I had not spent years fine tuning my body only to be told I couldnt use it anymore. I, in my short but active 27 years was about to take on the biggest challenge of my life.

After my accident my body atrophied meaning all my hard earned muscle mass deteriated. I went from 220lbs down to a very very weak 165lbs over a time span of about 3 months. I was just starting physical therapy and lifting 10 pounds with my legs was almost impossible. I had already had 3 back surguries and was always in extreme pain. Just sitting to take a s–t was almost enough to knock me out in pain. The DR’s had given me pain pills but they ultimately just doped me out and made life a dull haze.

At this time in my life I was definately at the lowest point I had ever been. As I mentioned previously in my last story I had lost the love of my life 6 months prior to the accident due to using steroids. I had been dating but when your laid up in the hospital and not worth a s–t you see who your true friends are. The people that had been there all along stuck it through the hardest time I was going through. You see I know that in this situation alot of people would think suicide might be a good choice. I am not one of them. Im the type of person that thinks ‘how am I going to get myself out of this prediciment’.

I was Definately depressed but it manifested into anger into a rage that to this day I cant even explain. Everything that meant anything in my life had been taken from me. In all honesty some people went as far as to say it was kharma for my arrogance.

There is a point in everyones life where they just stop caring, where theyreach that breaking point. This is the point where true character is developed. You see when you have nothing else to lose sacrafice or even physical pain doesnt seem that big of a deal.

You see I was told that I would never lift weights, fight fires again, or even ride a amusement park ride. I had nothing else to lose.They were basically telling me that everything that made me who I was, I had to say goodbye to and enjoy my new ‘sedentary’ lifestyle. Just kick back and collect my disability check. Im not made like that. So I began hitting Physical therapy with a hell bent vengeance.

Who are these people to tell me I cant do something, to ‘collect a disability check’,’enjoy a sedentary life style’. I cant begin to tell you the pain I had to endure but it only motivated me more. I never quite until my pathetic weak body couldn’t lift another 10 pounds. From that point on I had a vision in my head as to where I was going and what I would be. I would Die Trying but I would not lay down and let fate run its course. I had my own idea of fate.

After about 3 months of the most grueling pain you could possibly imagine I had made tremendous improvements. I also started to become friends with my physical therapist, Stacy. She was in awe at my raw determination to push the envelope. She would get so angry with me because I would not quit. It was in the early stages of this that my ‘plan’ involved taking anabolic steroids. But I knew that I had to get to a certain point on my own. I didn’t want to say I needed drugs to get me where I am. I guess in my new found state of mind I wanted to succeed. Mostly on my own. I wanted to say that I did it with no help.

But life is no fairy tale. I knew that I couldnt do it without a little bit of assistance.

So, with one phone call to my international friend it had begun. I started out with something simple in my cocktail a little mass builder called Dianabol about 40mg a day, some test propinate about 500mg a week , and a taste of Deca about 400mg a week. You see I had secretly divided my life into phases. phase 1-4, phase one was the simplest it began with taking my vitamins, protiens and essential EFA’s even some simple carbs for energy. You have to prime the machine before running it full throttle. You see when you have nothing but time on your hands and your highlights of life consist of eating and going to physical therapy you get pretty creative. Hence the phases of life.

I had it down to a science. I knew exactly where I needed to be before entering the next phase (I did not start the mass cocktail until phase 2). I guess I became somewhat of a self help guru. I read on self improvement, I got a new DR, I dieted perfectly as to not get fat like I had done before when I was off the ‘juice’. I really couldnt do cardio. S–t, I really couldn’t do much of anything. I did alot of research from my home computer while sitting in a wheel chair. I knew that deep inside I would overcome this roadblock in my life. This is what I mean by building character you never really know who you are until severe adversity strikes. I mean I always knew that I had courage, I had been in firefights in foreign lands, I had looked the devil in the eye and peed on him. But that is all physical courage. what I mean by that is in your mind you are overcoming your fears and physically doing something about it. Adversity can either make or break you mentally.

I have seen the toughest S.O.B’s break down and cry when their wives left them or they were financially challenged. I knew that I was mentally tough because I never saw that I was defeated even when the deck was stacked against me. I always believed in myself. So I continued with physical therapy 3 x a week, then worked up to 5x a week, as I continued to improve daily I never took it for what it was, to everyone else it was great improvement I was doing really well Blah Blah Blah. To me it was baby steps. I knew that I could be more, do more, 6 months after my accident I was up to 185.

Phase two started about 2 months after physical therapy began. I messed with my cocktails usually every 6-8 weeks, I would evenly divide my cocktails between the mass which was D-bol, Test 200 pro, and Deca, and the cutting which was Deca, winstol, and equipoise.I also tweaked my diet and caloric intake as to the appropriate condition I was trying to achieve. when I was bulkng I ate about 4500-5000 calories a day at about a 60/20/20 split (60% protein, 20% simple carbs, 20% Essential Dietary fats OMega 3, 6, 9 fatty acids) and cutting was about 1500 calories a day at about a 70/20/10 split (70% protein, 20% dietary fats, and only 10% simple carbs).

Within 8 months after the accident I had hit phase 3. Phase 3 was a little more difficult it consisted of harder anabolics Anadrol50 and sustenon250 at about 1000mg every other day. Because of the highly concentrated amounts that Anadrol50 is famous for I could only use it for 14 days at a time and then after 7 days incorparate nolvadex into the cocktail. During phase 3 I also started using HGH (Human Growth Hormone) about 4-6 I.U. Daily and IGF-1 T-3 and T-4 Stimulators which is extremely dangerous and I dont recommend it but as I said earlier I had nothing to lose except a fun filled life of sitting on the couch and crying to oprah.

As far as my cutting cycle I kept on the Deca, Eqiupoise, and Winstrol. rotating between the 2 cycles every 6 weeks and the growth hormone (humatrope) was consistent all the way through at 4-6 I.U daily. I stayed on phase 3 for about 4 months which Ironically was exactly a year almost to the day after the accident. I had finished with physical therapy and had secretly been lifting at my house for 6 months. I was weighing in at 210lbs at about 8%BF. Also I had begun Dating Stacy my Physical Therapist. She had no idea that I was taking steroids or Growth Hormone. My Dr knew but what could he say I was going to do it anyway with or without his apporoval and besides he couldnt tell a soul. DR/ client Confidentiality.

Now I had gotten through the first 3 phases with alot of pain and perseverance. Mentally I was stronger than I had ever been. I had a completely different outlook on life. But I knew that phase 4 was going to be the toughest battle yet. You see phase 4 was going to be so difficult because it consisted of the impossible. I was going to be a firefighter again. I had already accomplished what modern medicine stops short of calling a miracle (an anabolically enhanced miracle).

Now my chief and the Brass at the dept had kept in touch with me and were amazed at my progress, only a year had passed and I was looking amazing. I would show up at the station house and cook for the boys and keep in close contact with the company.

You see when you are a firefighter its alot like being in the Marines. There is a bond that is thicker than blood in most cases. These are the guys that I owed my life to. They would not leave that collapsed structure until they found me (some of these guys went to NYC after 9/11 and pulled firefighters out of the rubble). I did not make that trip not because I was injured, but because when they were assembling a task force to go assist the amount of volunteers were overwhelming and the SR’s in the depts that had specialty training in confined space rescue were the ones that ultimately got to go.

So, During phase 4 I had to accomplish the unaccomplishable. I was working out harder than I ever had in my life and there were times when Stacy would scream at me and tell me Im gonna make myself worse. But I refused to listen. Also during phase 4 I had tapered my cocktails back down to a maintenence stage. I was taking 4 I.U’s of humatrope every other day and taking a light D-bol and Deca stack. I would change up my diet like in phase 2 every 3 weeks just to shock the system. I would also rotate the machines and freeweights I would use every 2 weeks to keep shocking the muscle. so that it could grow. One year and 5 months after breaking my back and being told I would never be a firefighter again I was cleared by my DR.

One year and 6 months I had cleared the Dept physical. On May 6th three days after my 29th Birthday I went on my first call to structure fire and went in lead nozzle. I went on a call the other day. It was a Structure fire that was fully involved. It was a family of four the mom, dad, and oldest brother had gotten out of the house. The youngest brother was still in the house. I went in on a R&R rescue and recovery I was on my belly crawling through the pitch black trying to find a room. I could see the fire rolling over me and here the wood crackle as it was about to collapse. I got that horrible feeling in my stomach and for a split second I wanted to get up and leave. But instead I listened a little harder and heard a faint cry. The 4 year old child had actually went from his room into the bathroom across the hall and got into the shower and turned the cold water on. So, this is where I found him.

I radioed to my company and passed the kid through the bathroom window and he made it out of the house with nothing more than some minor scrapes and burns. I had to go back across the hall and out a bedroom window. Shortly thereafter the structure caved in from the roof. As I was sitting outside catching my breath the mother was hysterical with joy. she couldnt even speak. The dad was crying but managed a thank you. I sat there and thought this is exactly how it was supposed to be.

I spent half my life playing sports and weight lifting. I would like to say That the knowledge that I have greatly influenced the choices that I made. But that would be a lie. You see we all make choices in our lives some good some bad. But deep down its not what we put into our bodies that make us who we are its what is already in their. Since I was a kid I have been driven to succeed (read my previous story August 2001). I could never take defeat in any form. Im not made that way. I have always been motivated to be my own personal best.

I could not stand not being at my full potential. I believe that steroids and hormones get a bad name for all the wrong reasons. I think it is because of weak minded people trying to become something they have never been or will never be. The proverbial Beta male trying to become the desired Alpha. We see this every day in the pretty boys at the gym trying to get that sexy body.

I am a firm believer that you can polish and shine a piece of s–t all you want its still a piece of s–t. I am definately my worst critic but I think in order to succeed you need to be. You see after my accident I wasnt motivated by looking good or being that perfect male. I was motivated by something greater than myself.

People are put on this world to do certain things. I was put here to be a firefighter. Like I said earlier it is my heart and soul and I never fully realized it until it was taken from me. I love the fact that I can make a difference in peoples lives. That I have a job that I can feel good about. I have used anabolic steroids for almost 13 years. I have made some good choices and some bad ones. I cant blame the steroids for that. I can say that I let my temper and ‘roid rage’ destroy a few relationships. I can say that do to inexperience and a lack of knowledge when I first started I created some health problems. But steroids didn’t turn me into a superman or any kind of hero. It didnt make me insatiable to all the ladies. It just improved on what was already there. In my core I know what I am made of.

I can actually look back over my life and honestly say that steroids didnt turn me into anything. they allowed me to train harder, to play harder, to maybe even stay harder. But they didnt create me they just enhanced me. So for those of you that are thinking of hittin the gear. take a good look of who and what you are. If your a coward deep inside and only doing it so the school bully will quit picking on you, you will just be a bigger coward. If your the pretty boy just doing it for the ladies because your weak minded with a low self esteem then you will be a weak minded, false self esteem pretty boy. But for those of you out there that know who you are and what you are made of and your just improving on what god already gave you. Be it run faster, jump higher, or be able to carry that 250lbs man down four flights of stairs so that you may save his life so that he may see his loved ones again. Just remember that there are sacrafices that need to be made and possible consequences for your actions. Read everything and anything you can so that you can better educate yourself. So that you know what to use, how to diet, and most importantly how to train.

As for the happy ending to my long story. Stacy and I recently became engaged and we will be getting married next spring. Ohh and by the way she happened to stumble across my private little training journal she knows all about the 4 Phases and what I have done. Although she doesn’t completely agree with my decisions. She is happy to see me doing what I love.”

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